Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Living into freedom

Needless to say things have been busy around here. The kind of busy that can only come from adding a new family member. But summer is here and we have been embracing it with full force. We expanded our family even further by adding a 1966 Airstream Safari!! This feels like a big year for us. Andrew and I just celebrated 7 years of marriage, and it feels fitting that our year of "completeness" is the year we became a family of four, the year I turn 30 (yay!) and the year we start our camper adventures. We have named her "Garrity" in honor of her first owners, The Garritys! We have already enjoyed a few camping trips with the boys to some really beautiful areas. And just to keep it real, Garrity like everything in life, is just as much work and a pain in the butt as she is wonderful. A few leaky pipes, and hiccups, but worth it we think! (I say that as I am not the one who has to do all the labor, thanks babe! Here's to having an amazing husband who can seriously fix anything!)










So, I think the obvious question that everyone asks is how are we adjusting? Well... we are...adjusting haha! It has definitely been a new adventure for all of us. Liam I think especially. But I really feel like at the 3 month mark he really started to beautifully settle into our new rhythm and his role. It was a little scary there for a while, kinda thought we had ruined our sweet sensitive affectionate little boy! That sounds so dramatic, but it was quite a shock to see his reaction at times. I think Andrew and I just realized how easy and compliant Liam had been thus far and now he was really letting us know that this was hard for him. But as we persistently leaned into him, he has leaned back into us. But from the start he has loved Grayson and none of his frustration was ever aimed at his brother. He is so sweet to him, it is just too cute sometimes. I really love the age Grayson is at. Four months next week, and he's so smiling and interactive. He is such a sweet baby, but man I hate teething!!! 

For me the past few months have been tiring. I don't think I even realized how tired I was until just now as it is settling down a little. All my extreme emotions just manifest themselves in anxiety so its hard to differentiate tired from sad or hormonal or all those lovely things that come postpartum. But I have been able to spend time reflecting and reading some. I have been thinking a lot about "living into" the life we have been given. I think often times as a mom it is easy to be so anticipatory of the "next" thing. "I can't wait until the baby is born" and then it is, "I can't wait until he can smile, or sit up, or eat solids." I have found it very odd and somewhat hard even to live into good seasons. I find myself living as if I was still in some sort of trial and not realizing I am in the place I had hoped to be.  A sweet friend brought to mind the story of the blind man who Jesus healed. And it has reminded me to not live as one blind when I have been given sight. It is funny how it can be just as hard to live as one who is free as it is to live in captivity. I have had this Matt Redman song stuck in my head lately:

Could we live like Your grace is stronger
Than all our faults and failures?
Could we live like Your love
Is deeper than our hearts can fathom
Could we live like this?

Could we live like Your name is higher
Than every other power?
Could we live like Your ways
Are wiser than our understanding?
Could we live like this?
Could we live like this?

Yes, our God is all He says, all He says He is
Jesus, in Your name we could change the world
We stand in Your love, in Your power
And all You say we are
Jesus, in Your name we could change the world

We believe that Your grace is stronger
Than all our faults and failures
We believe that Your love
Is deeper than our hearts can fathom
So could we live like this
And shine in all the world
Could we live like this?

We're saying, "yes, Lord, yes, Lord!"
What else could we say, what else could we say?
We're saying, "yes, Lord, yes, Lord!"
We're going all the way, we're going all the way
We're going to live like this

Yes, our God is all He says, all He says He is
Yes, our God is all He says, all He says He is

We're going to live like this
Jesus, in Your name we could change the world
We believe, we believe
Jesus, in Your name we could change the world

It has got me thinking, what if I actually lived like I was free? My garden is such a constant source of analogy for me. I was reading this essay the other day (inserted below) and it made me realize, I have been looking at the garden of my life as if it is a bed full of weeds, and feeling hopeless at times that the few flowers I have managed to plant will ever be able to survive amongst the weeds. But that is so wrong. God has planted a beautiful bed of the best quality flowers in my life. And he even provides the soil, sun, rain, nutrients and all the good things those flowers need to grow. All I am responsible for is acknowledging the few weeds that can start to grow, and quickly pluck them out by the root and surrender them to Him. I remember the call in Song of Solomon 2:15 (this verse was form our wedding) "be intoxicated with love, but be ware of the little foxes". And He even is faithful to assist in that if we just ask him, "show me my sin, and help me to sincerely repent." God is so faithful to complete the good work he started in us. And I am more and more convinced He is not only faithful, but generous and kind and wants to fill our gardens with our favorite flowers for us to enjoy. I know this doesn't mean life is without trials. But its time to wake up and smell the roses!!! Or in my case maybe peonies?!!


The Repentance No One Regrets
Dietrich Koller
"The new mode of being human, corresponding to our "holy idea", which we prematurely and unconsciously stumbled on, cannot be brought off, because that is the work of grace alone. It is comparable to the seeds of the kingdom of God, which grow by themselves. It comes about "automatically," which is the word used by the Greek text of Mark 4:28 to mean "self-growing." What we can and must do is remove the thorns and thistles by continually interrupting the automatism of our false pattern. Thus we create space for the self-activated miracle of a new being."


And now for way too many pictures....













Grayson's Baptism! Such a sweet day. 















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