Why- December 16, 2013

Why am I doing this blog?

I am writing this entry as a sort of a dislciamer/ self persuasion.  I think I need to put a few things out there before I can feel free to write.

confession #1: I am not a great writer. I am a good talker. I always have been. At the ridiculously young of 20 months I spoke the sentence "Do you get frustrated when I don't cooperate with you mommy?" It's sort of my claim to fame : ) Sad but true! But at the age of 20, I remember having a very frustrating internal conversation while writing a paper with how to spell the word "what". I knew it was "w-h-a-t" but that just couldn't be right because in my mind that spelled "wh-at" (emphasis on the at). And why is it that "choir" isn't spelled "quire"? Anyways you get the point...I am a horrible speller. I want this blog to be professional but I also want it to be me. And sometimes when pouring my heart out on paper, "me" has funky grammar. But I'm also working on that.

confession #2: I used to secretly poo poo people I knew who did blogs. I thought it was sort of self-promoting. Don't get me wrong I followed a ton of bloggers. But there was something "other" about them because I didn't know them. I think that is something I do a lot with things I am afraid of. If I secretly like something but am afraid of being viewed as stupid I poo poo it. A sad self protection technique I am trying to rid myself of. Now I think blogging is pretty brave. I am not saying I am brave. But I want to be. I want to blog because I think ultimately we all share common experiences of fear, joy, anxiety, loss, longing, excitement ect. And we all want to feel understood. So this is my way of saying I understand. Maybe not exactly but I can relate. I want to be open to God using me to speak hope into this world.

confession #3: I read a lot of bloggers saying that their blog is a place for "highlights". Which is nice to know. Because it is hard not to get caught up in the thinking that other people have such perfect lives when you look at social media. I actually am on a little instagram hiatus for that exact reason. I need to stop doing the comparison thing. I don't want this blog to be all heavy esoterica B.S., but I also don't want to just do the "highlights". One thing that living in the north Midwest has taught me is you really cant appreciate the summer fully without the frigid winter. I can not describe the feeling spring brings. It is just stupid how happy you can feel over 40 degrees! And how a little burst of green can make you feel like your heart will explode. So I promise to not be too heavy and lofty all the time. I love a good style post and product review. But I also don't want to shy away from getting real about real life.